By Bairagi Kancha
Lotusstan
Lotusstan is located between the great civilizations of Dragonland [not the one counted now as the world’s last Shangri-La] and Baghistan. It is like Shangrila, surrounded by beautiful mountains, teeming with rare animals, coated with dense forests and flowing with wild rivers. It is a land of milk and honey.
All three countries are ruled by a single dominating party that has only the good of the subjects at heart. Lotusstan is ruled by two great personalities, whereas the two others are ruled by a single person. All four consider themselves and are considered great thinkers and movers and shakers.
Lotusstan is considered an ideal society. Horizontally, it is divided into many volks, whereas vertically it is divided into various strata. It [as well as the other two countries] are, therefore, considered ‘classless’ societies. The ordinary people in Lotusstan and Baghistan worship millions of gods and goddesses, whereas those in Dragonland and – peculiarly – the great leaders of Lotusstan only a few: Mars, Angel, Nelin, Zalin and Hao.
The leaders of Lotusstan stem from the highest strata of society, the class adept at ‘mumbo-jumbo’. However, they belong to the de-frocked branch. They have successfully combatted the previous anti-popular, reactionary and revisionist regime. Currently, they are engaged in eradicating anti-revolutionary and anti-pecuniary tendencies in the party.
The leader of the progressive wing singlehandedly leads the extermination of 16,000 enemies of state and society.
One of the two leaders of Lotusstan, Supremo Holi is very adept at flying on the dragon and riding the tiger. However, because of advanced age, lately while riding a particularly ferocious tiger, he had difficulty alighting!
One of his latest achievements has been to singlehandedly enlarge the sovereign territory of the country [at the coast of Baghistan] without firing a single shot! That country’s leader ‘Howdy’ remains in awe.
His other accomplishment was researching and discovering irrefutable proof that one of Baghistan’s leading gods – Amar – was born in Lotusstan. Since it is uncontested that his holy spouse – Atis — was also born in Lotusstan, this gives Holi an unprecedented edge.
Holi the Great is ably assisted by his deputy whose name is really Ichor [a synonym for ‘god’], but is generally known as ‘Poko’, because many people present him with bundles or ‘pokos’ in gratitude for his stupendous achievements.
Unlike in previous regimes, ‘nepotism’ and ‘favouritism’ have been expunged. Lately, Poko rejected the applications of his own son-in-law and brother-in-law [family: Ralakoi] for top posts in the administration. The latter, in fact, has wide experience in many variegated fields and is considered a masterful expert in aeronautics, horticulture, sericulture, eschatology, necromancy, theosophy, thermodynamics, etc, etc, ad nauseam. If only he could be appointed Governor of the Lotusstan National Bank [he has exemplary command of numismatics and astrology], he would later advance to President of the World Bank and forecast economic cycles with ease. Hopefully, this golden opportunity will not be missed.
Poko Sir’s sartorial tastes are impeccable. He has resolutely led the country’s self-defence forces and the military chiefs of both Dragonland and Baghistan stand in awe of him. He has made the country’s self-defence forces a shining example for other developing countries.
It is, therefore, with great horror that concerned analysts read about the possibility of a coup floated by the eminent social critic Krishna Bihari Shrestha in peoplesreview.com.np quoting and supporting the respected political journalist and commentator Yuvaraj Ghimire.
As a purely academic exercise, we can state that there is absolutely no conducive atmosphere for a coup in Lotusstan. According to Chanakya based on the feedback of the Machiavelli of Maryland [Edward N. Luttwak: Coup d’Etat. A Practical Handbook, 1968, 2016], the conditions for a coup are neither necessary nor sufficient.
First, the domestic situation in the country is one of peace and tranquillity. Everyone has enough to eat and drink. Everyone has a roof over their heads. Public health services are exemplary in the Developing World.
Second, the political situation is the most stable. The government of the day has a rock-solid majority. Unlike in other countries, the chief of state doesn’t make any trouble, in fact, she is the handmaiden of the government. The political opposition is very docile, it is patiently awaiting its turn to steer the ship of state and serve the people to its utmost, as in the past.
Third, Lotusstan has excellent relations with all its neighbours. None try to interfere in its domestic affairs. There are no disputes, territorial or otherwise.
Fourth, in such circumstances, who or which institution would like to launch a hopeless undertaking – even if the time was ripe, which it is not. Certainly not the Nepal Army, which is a principled organization which has never been involved in such murky schemes.
The commanders are all officers and gentlemen, sworn to uphold the government of the day, which enjoys the people’s unstinted support. They adhere strictly to the principle of civilian supremacy, unlike in other tinpot dictatorships and ‘s…t-hole countries’ of the Third World.
It is not that the leaders are at each other’s throats, corruption is rampant at all levels of the federal structure, and the people are suffering, personally and healthwise, at unprecedented levels – as in some neighbouring countries.
It is, therefore, right and proper that the officers of the Nepal Army go about their normal business without a care in the world. The words ‘coup’ and ‘putsch’ are absolutely foreign and absent from their dictionaries and manuals.
In any case, no officer has any inkling on how to go about such a messy endeavour. Just for the sake of the academic discussion:
- Who would take the initiative and organize the small circle of dissidents?
- Who would be the primary targets?
- Which institutions/buildings would have to be secured in the first instance?
- Roles of the print, electronic and social media are unknown.
- There is no way that the police and armed police can be out-smarted – as they are paragons of virtue and most reliable.
Thus, unknown to themselves, the people of Lotusstan have been living in Shangri-La and El Dorado rolled into one:
‘If there is a Paradise on Earth
It is this! It is this! It is this!’
People’s Review Print Edition
No comments:
Post a Comment